About our wedding guest list and how we got it from 200 to 45

Our guest list meant a lot of different things to us when we reflect on our 2012 wedding.

As a man who had overcome adversity to become a wedding celebrant — from being homeless in my teens to having a moderately successful career in the media — I initially felt the same way most guys do when they are making their guest list. We wish we could contact everyone we've ever known to inform them of our success! We plan on inviting them to the show where they will discover if we're totally useless.

The calculator

After I showed Britt the list of nearly two hundred names and spouses, she pulled out her phone's calculator app and gave me the price per person from the wedding venue.

Doing the math I reasoned that maybe all they needed to do was look at a Facebook photo instead.

With the exception of a small group of relatives who didn't bother to show up, I was able to reduce the cohort I had originally assembled to a mere ten.

45

Approximately 45 people showed up for Britt and my wedding ceremony on game day in total because her family had reached an appropriate level of maturity where obligation guests weren't on the list.

With 45 people in attendance, we were able to catch up with old friends, spending quality time with them, something that was missing from our engagement party.

Our engagement party

Our engagement party was a different story. My friend Jon was there with 150 others and I will never forget how it played out. I distinctly recall joyously greeting him at the front door upon his and his wife's arrival from Toowoomba, where they had travelled for the celebration. After I finished welcoming everyone who came, I had a drink, caught up with a few friends, and then was called to the microphone to deliver a speech and cut the cake. Instantly following this, a small group of family members with children had to depart, so we bid them farewell. As the stream of people leaving started, I had the opportunity to see Jon for the second time that evening as we said our goodbyes.

Their long drive was for nought because we didn't even get to spend time together.

We missed a few

Although we are closer now than we previously were, there are about ten other people we regret not inviting to the wedding.

Nonetheless, our relationships blossomed and developed even though they were not invited, which shows that they were better people than we realised at the time.

Invite as many and as few

The most important thing for you to know, remember, and do is to invite as many people as you can to your wedding, and as few as possible. No more, no less. Absolutely no obligation wedding guests, no long-lost relatives, and no acquaintances from your childhood who your parents would love to have there.

Your wedding isn't a report card for young adult hood, it's the beginning of your marriage

It's nice for everyone to know that I got the chocolates, that I won the lotto, that I lucked up, but is it worth the stress, the money, and the effort?

💍 Josh Withers is an Australian wedding celebrant based in Hobart who travels the world every week creating meaningful, fun, and honest marriage ceremonies for adventurous couples just like you.

📱 Follow Josh on Instagram, Threads, Facebook, Mastodon, Micro.Blog, or in a Qantas airport lounge somewhere.