Three Rules to Create the Best Wedding Ceremony Ever

Ever wondered how to create a kick-ass wedding ceremony? The great marriage ceremonies of our time take cues from music and TED Talks. I've created thousands of ceremonies for people around the world, and these are my three rules for awesome ceremony creation.

The Maya Angelou Rule

Maya (basically) told us that people will forget what your celebrant (officiant) said, they will forget what your stylist did, but your wedding guests will never forget how you made them feel.

How your ceremony feels is the benchmark, and I like to measure it against our senses. How did it sound? Could everyone hear and understand the ceremony, not just audibly but emotionally and intellectually? How did it look? Was the celebrant in the middle with the couple? Did we take into account placement and positioning so the ceremony looked not just pretty, but right? How did it smell? Was it outside in a rose garden or inside next to the bathrooms? Were the rubbish bins emptied and did the food and beverage preparations distract or improve the vibe? Talking about food and beverage, how did it taste? Were guests left parched or were drinks flowing already? And finally, how did it feel? On your body? Was the sun burning the skin? Were the seats comfortable?

The TED Talk Rule

The smart people behind TED Talks figured out early on—through research and science—that 18 minutes is the ideal time for a talk. It feels like we've said something important, but we haven't 'gone on' a bit too much.

18 minutes is my goal for a ceremony. A tight 18-minute ceremony jam-packed with heart, feeling, and honest truths about the two of you getting married.

The Classic Rock Song Rule

The song starts with an introduction, setting the tone and mood. Often instrumental, it helps to grab the listener's attention. We're talking big music as the two of you own the aisle.

Verse One: Verses are where the story of the song is told. Each verse usually has different lyrics but maintains the same melody. This is where the narrative or the main message of the song unfolds. But we're doing it for your marriage. We're telling the story of you.

Chorus: The chorus is the most memorable part of the song, often containing the main message or hook. For my ceremonies, I imagine the chorus being your personal vows. You two being real and honest about why you're standing there.

Bridge: The bridge offers a contrast to the rest of the song, providing a break from the repetitive structure of verses and choruses. It often introduces a new melody, chord progression, or lyrical theme. The bridge is when we're exchanging rings, talking about what they mean and why we're doing it.

Outro: The outro brings the song to a conclusion with a bang. This is the closing moment. It might be a kiss, a high five, a hug—honestly, you-do-you—but we go out on a high, and you go out to your community for the embrace.

Good Ceremonies Feel Good

If your celebrant wants to lecture, teach, preach, educate, or bring the mood down, then they've broken the most important rule: it needs to feel good. We're not here for a lecture; we're here to celebrate. If you aim for a TED Talk length song about the two of you that feels good, then you're creating an awesome ceremony.

💍 Josh Withers is an Australian wedding celebrant based in Hobart who travels the world every week creating meaningful, fun, and honest marriage ceremonies for adventurous couples just like you.

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