Honouring the deceased at your wedding

I’ve met a few couples lately who want to honour a family member who has passed away during their wedding ceremony. As I always say to my couples, your wedding is yours—so do whatever feels right for you. The key is to make it work in a way that’s meaningful and avoids any awkwardness.

“You are the result of the love of thousands”

Here are a few ways you can honour a parent, grandparent, or loved one who has passed away and can't be at your wedding.

1. Honorary Seat: Leave an empty seat in their honour where they might have sat, maybe with a flower or a memento placed on it.

2. Written Tribute: Include a memorial or photo of them in your program or perhaps on a table at the wedding.

3. Moment of Reflection: Have a quiet moment during the wedding—a pause for silence, a special piece of music, or even unique sound.

4. Candle or Lamp: Lighting a candle in their honour can symbolise their lasting presence in your life. Pro tip: Avoid candles outdoors, unless you want to spend the day relighting them in the breeze! Opt for a symbolic lamp or other flame-proof options instead.

5. Reception Tribute: Ask someone who knew them well to share a story or memory during the reception. It could be a speech, song, or a slideshow—whatever feels right to celebrate their life.

6. Symbolic Items: Place objects or photos that were meaningful to them on a dedicated table at your ceremony or reception, allowing them to be present in the details.

7. Personal Moment: Acknowledge their absence with a quiet and personal word to their surviving spouse or family member—maybe share a hug, a personal moment, or even a handwritten note. Sometimes the simplest gestures speak the loudest.

8. Something Old, Something Theirs: Wear something that belonged to them—a piece of jewellery, a handkerchief, or even a small piece of fabric sewn into your dress or suit. My wife Britt, for example, had her Nanna’s handkerchief stitched into her dress, a small and private way to bring her into the day.

9. Cultural Traditions: Many cultures have their own beautiful ways to honour ancestors. For example, Native American writer Linda Hogan penned this stunning passage: “You are the result of the love of thousands.” It's a perfect way to acknowledge ancestral love during your ceremony.

10. In Song: Include one of their favourite songs in your ceremony playlist. It could be played as guests arrive or during a significant moment—it’s a heartfelt way to feel connected to them through music.

11. A Simple Line: Sometimes less is more. A single sentence in the ceremony, such as: “Today, we also honour those who couldn’t be here, especially [Name].” Simple, clear, and powerful.

12. Walking Down the Aisle: If the person you’ve lost was meant to walk you down the aisle, you could walk alone in their honour. Alternatively, have someone else close to you walk with you to remind you that love continues, even in their absence.

💍 Josh Withers is an Australian wedding celebrant based in Hobart who travels the world every week creating meaningful, fun, and honest marriage ceremonies for adventurous couples just like you.

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